Mental Health Storytime: My Grocery Shopping Anxiety Snuck Up on Me Again

On weekends I typically prepare for the week ahead by grocery shopping. There is nothing like intentionally preparing for the week ahead. It seems reasonable enough, but here’s the deal, I hate going grocery shopping. And will put off shopping for as long as possible. I’ll do everything else but head out to the grocery store. I would literally rather dust the blinds OR give the oven/stove a deep clean. My efforts spent dodging and delaying shopping typically result in me drowning in high levels of stress. 

How My Grocery Shopping Anxiety Developed 

I shopped at my local grocery, but I realized that it didn’t have a variety of the foods I enjoyed, and their price points were too high, especially for basic items. Shopping at my local grocery became frustrating and stressful as I didn’t enjoy my experience. I attempted to alleviate my stress by going to a grocery a little farther out with a larger selection of foods and a more reasonable price point. But it required me to take the train there and Uber back. I didn’t mind the travel inconvenience as I was able to shop for the things I liked. And I also was able to fold in the additional $15 to $20 in Uber charges from the monies saved by shopping smarter. But the time commitment slowly started weighing me down. And I was running out of options. 

I started using a grocery delivery service, and my life changed. I was able to shop for the foods I enjoyed and best of all it was delivered to my door. This was a win-win, and I couldn’t have been much happier. Then something odd happened. When using the delivery service, I would be charged $3.49 for a product listed in the store as $1.79. And that was on top of the delivery charge, the tip, and the service fee. I realized that the math wasn’t mathing. I was at times paying 30% to 40% more using this service. 

Now my stress turned into anxiety. I feel like I can’t seem to get away from the task of grocery shopping. I have three choices before me.  

• I shop locally, and my dietary needs aren’t met. 
• I shop further out to get my needs met. But that requires me to allocate additional time and money to travel expenses.  
• I get my needs met. Someone shops for me and delivers my groceries, but there is a financial cost to this convenience. 

This constant state of stress has worn me down. Every solution I’ve found has proven problematic, and I find myself at square one. This led to my grocery shopping anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness. I’m fully aware that my experience of grocery shopping is a normal reaction to stress, as I have a dread and uneasiness associated with my experience.

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Somethings Got to Give

This past weekend was no different. I delayed the process, like d-e-l-a-y-e-d. I left the house at 11 AM and found myself at the grocery store at 7:30 PM. I used my usual tactics to delay the process. My partner went along with my shenanigans, and when we were en route to the grocery, he gently confronted me. He asked a series of open-ended questions that got me thinking about my actual concerns. He has a car, and we typically fold my grocery shopping run into the day. There is a stress-free element in that there is no specific time allocated to grocery shopping. And then the light bulb went off –-I’m not too fond of the amount of time I spend shopping—the weekend before, we spent about an hour and a half in the grocery, and I was drained. It didn’t feel good.

We explored further, and he mentioned anxiety, and I immediately side-eyed him –just kidding. Another light bulb went off. Of course, it was anxiety –prolonged stress turns into anxiety. He made a suggestion, let’s spend no more than 20 minutes in the grocery, and in that time, I would pick up as many items on my list, and we take it from there. As soon as we entered the grocery, I set the timer and did my thang. And guess what? I wasn’t stressed because I had a plan, and my partner kept me accountable my moving us along when I lingered. And when the alarm went off, we were making our way to the register to check out. I had the biggest smile on my face. Why? I’d never spent that much time in the grocery, and it resulted in a cart full of groceries. Maybe if I had used a handbasket, but certainly not for a cart full of items. Nonetheless, I was elated. 

Intentionality and Purpose

Another Piece to the Puzzle

It gets deeper. I cannot cook unless the entire kitchen is clean. Like sparkling clean stovetop, counters, and sometimes I even need to sweep. On top of my procrastination and avoidance of the grocery stores, my past unlocks some important details. My mom often speaks of my avoidance of the kitchen at a young age. But then again, I have fond memories of my father and I cooking together as a teenager. I am aware that I enjoy cooking alongside someone in the kitchen. Meal planning as an adult by my lonesome doesn’t work for me. 

I know, I’m a foodie that hates being in the kitchen. Most people find this strange because I know how to cook delicious meals, but I don’t enjoy the process, and it causes my stress levels to spike unnecessarily. So coming to the realization that I’m also not too fond of grocery shopping is a no-brainer. 

Having my partner objectively look at my concerns helped me to see my concerns from a different perspective. I would have never even considered that grocery shopping fed directly into my need to avoid the kitchen at all costs. It would also explain why I’m bad at grocery shopping and organizing meals. 

I need an adulting class on how to properly grocery shop for someone who doesn’t enjoy cooking/being in the kitchen. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. 

What my Grocery Shopping Anxiety has Taught me

Grocery shopping is an easily achievable task that has become my Mount Everest. And I’m learning that time management is my friend. Time management is defined as the process of planning and exercising conscious control of the time spent on specific activities to increase effectiveness, efficiency, and productivity. Without that simple suggestion of shopping in a twenty-minute increment, I would have been a procrastinating avoidant worry monster. I’m actively trying to rework some of my schemas on cooking, preparing foods, etc. This has taken much longer than expected; it’s like peeling back the layers of an onion. And patience and curiosity will continue to be my best friends if I’m to succeed.