Finding out I have aphantasia forced me to question how I experience the world around me -which seemed normal until now. I’ve suddenly become aware that my lived experience was not considered typical. I’ve spent the last few weeks struggling to make sense of this.
What is Aphantasia?
Aphantasia is the inability to voluntarily create a mental picture in your mind’s eye –essentially a blind mind. The mind’s eye refers to the place where images are recalled and produced in the brain.
If asked to imagine an elephant, do you conjure up a picture of an elephant in your mind? If yes, kudos to you. I do not have the ability to call upon or bring forth images using my mind’s eye. I rely upon a different set of processes when recalling the image of an elephant.
My strategy of recall is best described as a grocery list. Overall, the process is automatic and done quickly in my mind.
- Large four-legged land animal
- Grey in color
- Two ivory tusks
- Truck with two nostrils at the tip
- Big floppy ears
- Short tail
- Circular footpad w/semi circle toenails
Sometimes I include additional information. Such as:
- Mammal located in Africa and Asia
- Poaching / illegal hunting / endangered
- Great memory
- Social
- Circus animal
- Wild herd traveling to Northern China
The recall described above is done within seconds and can take longer depending on how detailed I get.
A Little Backstory On Aphantasia.
In 1880, Sir Francis Galton was the first to describe the inability to create mental images using the mind’s eye. However, Galton’s observation went untouched until the early 2000’s when Dr. Adam Zeman, a Cognitive Neurologist at the University of Exeter, explored the phenomenon and coined it aphantasia after the Greek word for imagination, “phantasia.”
This research is relatively new, and Zeman estimates that 2-5% of the population has aphantasia.
Fun Fact: Mental imagery is not necessary for things such as memory, imagination, or creativity.
The Hardest Part of Aphantasia.
For me, wrapping my mind around the fact that 95-98% of the population has an active mind’s eye is mindblowing. Where are the conversations on aphantasia happening? Why am I now finding out about aphantasia in 2021? Were the clues always there? How did I miss them? What else am I missing? Should I be worried? Is aphantasia a positive, negative or neutral phenomenon? How has operating from a different set of schemas/frames of references affected me?
Can Someone Help Me Understand?
I am blown away by the fact that people can think of something and have that image appear in their mind’s eye. But I am still having a hard time figuring out a few things. Are people able to see things that aren’t there? How are they able to differentiate reality from the image created using their mind’s eye? Is this a valuable skill? Are these images intrusive? What are the benefits? What are the limitations? Can someone other than you activate your mind’s eye? Is this an unfair advantage or disadvantage?
A Life With Aphantasia.
I understand aphantasia from my perspective and understand that there are probably nuances in how aphantasia is experienced. Similar to how others recall images within their mind’s eye. It’s hard to think about the benefits/limitations of aphantasia when I’m operating in the dark, so to speak.
Here’s what I know. I am a logical OR semantic-based thinker and learner. I primarily process ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., linguistically. My brain is hardwired to operate in words that I’ve associated with the object, person, or thing. Ask me to think of something, and I’ll recite words in my mind like roll-call.
I also have an uncanny ability to create visually, outside of my mind. Not sure how that fits, but I think it’s worth mentioning.
When I shared that I had aphantasia with a friend who’s also a Mental Health professional, she broached the topic from the angle of aphantasia being a protective factor. A protective factor lowers the likelihood of adverse outcomes or reduces risk factors.
She’s definitely on to something. I do not have to worry about images reminding me of traumatic events -whether voluntary or involuntary triggered while in a state of consciousness. However, I wouldn’t be immune to experiencing these images while dreaming.
Honestly, I do not understand the implications of having or not having aphantasia entirely. But I continue to be amazed by the brain’s ability to adapt and seamlessly fill in or make up for its limitations. There is something to be said for not realizing one’s aphantasia.
Final Thought.
I don’t feel pessimistic about the fact that I have aphantasia. Because as the saying goes, I can’t miss what I never had. But I am curious about conceptualizing the experiences of those without aphantasia. I need to know the who, what, when, why, and how.
I want to revisit this topic –and document my understanding as it grows.
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