As a mental health practitioner and lifestyle coach, I’ve often found that in order to build a successful partnership with my clients, I need to embody a particular mindset and heart-set. What do I mean by mindset and heart-set? I’m referring to a state of being.
Mindset is an attitude.
Heartset is an acknowledgment.
I’ve seen the best example of this combination come from Rollnick and Miller, the founders of Motivational Interviewing [MI]. The MI Spirit is comprised of four key principles that neatly overlap. At the intersection, you have the perfect balance of heartset and a mindset.
The acronym PACE is often used to describe the four elements of MI Spirit: partnership, acceptance, compassion, and evocation.
Partnership
- I recently came across the term power-sharing, and it does a great job of capturing the essence of partnership. We are essentially dancing with and not wrestling with clients. It’s vital to pursue a relationship that’s rooted in collaboration with clients. Do away with a top-down relationship, and resist the urge to use your expertise to “fix” the client. But instead, work alongside the client. Tip: Lean into being supportive/directional and not directive, do not impose your will —trying to coerce or fix clients WILL backfire.
Acceptance
- Autonomy –When clients are in control of their destiny and feel supported, it encourages their empowerment. Respecting someone’s right to choose what makes sense for them allows them to control their desired outcomes. This will enable them to commit to the process and walk away from the sessions feeling poured into. It also relieves the pressure from you and places that responsibility on the client, as they are the expert of their lives. Our focus should be on creating an atmosphere where the client feels safe to assert their power.
- Absolute Worth — The ability to recognize and acknowledge the inherent worth and humanity of the client is essential. This is accomplished by encouraging clients to come as they are—no need to be anything other than your authentic self in session. Feeling judged puts people on the defense, and when people feel judged, they shut down. When the client shuts down, it creates a lose-lose dynamic. Food for thought: A crisp $100 bill and a crumpled $100 bill hold the same value despite their physical appearance.
- Affirmation — Point out those nuggets of gold you see within your client. Speak life into your clients, genuinely identify, and big up their strengths and efforts. You’d be surprised how much good it does to the soul to be intentionally validated and affirmed. Tip: Your words matter. Be sincere and specific when affirming clients. Being insincere hurts the therapeutic relationship.
- Accurate Empathy –Take an active interest in the client’s point of view. Make it your mission to ask open-ended questions and learn alongside the client. Convey a level of curiosity and interest in the things that are important to your client.
And don’t get hung up on what someone chooses for themselves. By accepting a client’s autonomy, it doesn’t mean that you’ve endorsed or approved of their choices, but rather you’ve accepted their decision. Fight the urge to pair the two. You can be all these things without displaying your approval. Your approval or endorsement has no place in the therapeutic relationship.
Compassion
- Be selfless; this is not your moment to shine. Do not pursue your self-interest. Work with clients in a manner that is non-judgmental, non-blaming, and non-shaming. Keep the client’s best interest front and center at all times. Having compassion for a client builds upon partnership and acceptance. That means you’re engaging in power-sharing/collaboration, recognizing the client’s absolute worth, recognizing their autonomy, affirming their strengths and efforts, all while expressing accurate empathy.
Evocation
- Let’s be honest; everyone has all the tools needed within them to reach their goals. And if the client is without a particular tool, they can certainly work towards identifying which tool will get the job done. You do not need to inject or infuse motivation. By acknowledging the wholeness of clients, we can begin to draw out or bring forth their specific needs and reasons for change. Tip: Use evocation to rearrange the client’s thoughts to help them talk themselves into change.
Personally, I like Motivational Interviewing because it combines a client-centered AND a behavioral approach; it certainly helps to keep sessions focused. This winning combination works wonders as it allows me to inspire and elicit change within clients. And this has helped my clients who see me for their mental health needs and those who come to me for coaching.
What’s not explicitly stated in that equation of heartset and mindset? The act of listening.
Listening. You’d be surprised how quickly we can derail the process by not giving clients the time to sort through their stuff at a pace that is consistent with their needs. So what’s another benefit to listening? It makes your job easier. Why? Because fatigue only happens when you insist on doing the work for the client.
So what’s the winning combo for a therapeutic relationship?
- Acknowledging your client’s uniqueness,
- Giving priority to the things that are important to your client,
- Choosing to collaborate alongside a client in a non-dismissive and non-judgemental fashion,
- Recognizing that there are multiple ways to go about addressing the client’s concerns,
- Being okay with what you evoked within the client [this is their journey, not yours],
- Prioritize/make room for exploration and growth within the sessions.
- Step into your role, which is to guide the overall process and the client.
Below Are a Few Tips to pair with heartset and mindset.
Tip #1: Don’t be stiff and robotic; permit yourself to show up as your authentic self.
Tip #2: Only put on the role of the professional or expert when directly asked by the client OR after getting permission to do so from the client. What does seeking permission look like? It could be as simple as asking, “would you mind if I provided you with some information on…”
Tip #3: We’re all humans, and missteps happen within sessions [i.e., being forceful, using incorrect pronouns, etc.]. Don’t forget to acknowledge your mistakes and sincerely apologize when and if applicable. These simple actions help to model and foster a transparent therapeutic alliance.